


you've got a dark heart, you've got a cold kiss

by spangel



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 23:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spangel/pseuds/spangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you really expect us to just sit down and talk about our feelings?" Spike asks, voice dry. </p><p>(set after 5x08, Destiny.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you've got a dark heart, you've got a cold kiss

"I know you're there," Spike sighs, "what - d'you want me to kick your ass again? 'Cause you know I'm always up for that."

"No. I'm just here to..." _Here to what?_ You're here to ~~fuck him, kill him, finish the fight~~  "talk. I'm here to talk," you decide, "I don't want to hurt you." You're lying, but he knows that. You've been following him around for the entire night, watching, waiting - but he knows that. He also knows that you're listening every time he's with Harmony, and that's wrong, _that's wrong_. _Champions_ don't do things like that.

Well - champions aren't selfish. Heroes don't take credit for things they didn't do. They don't lie (you didn't lie, you don't want to hurt him, that's the truth. But you are **w e a k** now, and he knows that, too. Why did you have to do that?) and they don't take things away from other people.

That is why he isn't a champion. That is why he isn't a hero.

_Why won't people stop taking things from you? You give and you give and you give and you've sacrificed so much, and then there is Spike. He takes e v e r y t h i n g from you. He takes. He takes. He takes._

__

You are _nothing like him._

"Do you really expect us to just sit down and talk about our feelings?" Spike asks, voice dry. "Oh, who am I kidding? Of course you do. Look, that sort of thing might make you feel warm and nice inside, but...."

You stop listening to him because it's showing. You are staring him down, eyes like a vulture and one again, he knows. He knows that look. What _doesn't_ he know about you?

This is the look that you give him when you want to

tear

him

apart.

It's showing.

"... you've really gotten soft, haven't you?" He finishes, standing across from you now - he is right in front of you. Grab him. Throw him into the wall. "No wonder you're so bloody **w e a k**. You've got everyone else doing your dirty work for you now, eh? That's it, isn't it?"

Throw him **up against** the wall. Do _something_. He is waiting for you to do something. He's doing this on purpose, taunting you.

"You're wrong,” you reply.

_God, maybe he is right. You came here to put him in his place, stop lying stop lying you’re not lying, but he is playing with you. He knows. Why can’t he stop knowing? He’s waiting for you to snap and hit him or fuck him into the desk because you are **w e a k.**  _

Well.

You sit down in the chair.

"Now."

He sits down next to you - _okayfinewe'lltalk_ , defeated.

"Say it. I want you to say it."

He stretches out, mocks, "Oooh, I always loved it when you ordered me around. Gets me all worked up. Mmmm, still does, a little.”

“You’re _disgusting,_ ” you say, stressing the word _d i s g u s t i n g,_ “but you need to say it first. I know you’re thinking it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That it was all for nothing!” Oh _shit_. “I mean, if I’d have known that it was fake --”

“ _No_ ,” hisses Spike, “you’d still have gone.”

“And… I would’ve, too.” He adds a moment later.

~~

“We haven’t done much talking,” Spike points out.

_It’s about time you noticed, it’s about time, you idiot. No, we’re not talking._

__

_Stop playing with my mind._

__

_I’m_

_the_

_only_

_one_

_that’s allowed to do that._

Have you taught him nothing? Or did you teach him too much?

Look. A long time ago, you’d have punished him for this, but he always loved it when you did that.

Look. Spike thinks you are **w e a k**.  You are busted up and you are broken and he _did that to you_ but you can’t tie him up this time.

You have to show him.

He’s smiling at you, how dare he

smile at you like that? That is your smile. These are your games.

You’re _not even that person anymore_

_you have a soul_

_you_

_have_

_a_

_soul._

But those things have always been yours and he’s well aware of that. (You taught him - this is your fault.)

Well.

You have to show him.

 

“But… but that’s not really why you’re here, is it?”

_We’ve been sitting here for 3 minutes. We’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes. We’ve been sitting here for 3 hours._

__

_When you’re with him, time always slips away, but now you take a chance. How long_

_has it even been,_

_anyway?_

__

_Centuries and minutes and seconds._

_You take the chance, you say,_ “Really? You just now noticed that?”

Spike smiles again, a different kind of smile - all teeth, no pink, showing off the hole in his mouth and his mouth is so _empty_ and he’s smiling this time because he knows that he won.

It’s kind of impressive, actually.

You move quickly because you have to, and - oh, Spike is down against the desk now. He’s trying to _flip you over onto the ground_ and hold you in place, the boy always had a spark in him, a burning of _something_ , but that was never enough for you.

“ _I don’t know about you, but I’ve really missed this,”_ Spike breathes without breathing.

_I’m just glad that I can touch you now,_ you reply. Bite down, bite down _hard_ , break flesh. He moves his wrists up, rocks against you - okay. He isn’t even trying.

Still - you whisper against the skin of his neck, “Because I want you to know… you may have beaten me…” pull him closer, not rough enough, not hard enough, _so_ , “but remember….  you’ve always been....”

Oh.

_Oh._

__

Finally.

He pushes you onto the floor, he’s on top of you, “Yours?” He finishes, “Angel, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a big boy now.” His eyebrow flicks upwards and he holds you down -

who

the

hell

does

he

think

he

is?

Spike smiles that empty-mouth smile again. He digs his fingernails deep into your shoulders (bite) (bite down) _(hard)_ , grinds against you and he doesn’t kiss you until you kiss him. Until he _lets you_ kiss him.

This is your chance. Bite. Bite down. Bite down _hard_. Tomorrow they will ask you why there’s blood all over your office. You’ll tell them, “I took care of a few things, no big deal.”

He moans softly and he tastes _s o g o o d_. His blood is copper, his blood is poision, ~~it’s like home to you, isn’t it?~~

~~**  
**~~

He breaks.

_Hey, Spike, who’s the **w e a k** one now?_

_Guess you’re not as big of a boy as you thought, huh?_

“Don’t you fucking stop,” Spike manages.

He breaks.

Okay. _Don’t stop._ Okay. That’s. Okay. Not what you were expecting.

You grip your hands around his hips, _drink,_ pull him closer, ~~back **forth** back **forth** back **forth.**~~

~~**  
**~~

Closer.

He breaks for the last time.

\--

God, _what_ -

“Oh, and Angel?”

\- is going on?

He’s standing near the door. He’s about to leave.

_Please don’t leave._

Well. It’s not like you want him to stay, except you do.  Except the sun is rising now, except the light is

shining through the window and _the blood is everywhere,_

just like you knew it would be - except, except _you need him,_ and he knows that. Fuck. Fuck him.

Stop

knowing.

_And come over here and be with me right now, you fucking idiot._

“Yeah?” you ask.

“It wasn’t _all_ for nothing.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Honey, honey, honey you're the death of me  
> Won't stop holding my hands down  
> Baby, baby, baby you'll never let me
> 
> You've got a dark heart  
> You've got a cold kiss
> 
> \-- "Honey", The Hush Sound
> 
> (Also: sorry if you came into this fic expecting it to be good or for there to be more smutty content than there actually was, I'm a tiny asexual baby, forgive me.)


End file.
